Picks, Week 5

Week 5 - When my Eagles decide if they are a year-long laughingstock or simply underachievers and my fantasy football teams look to extricate themselves from the basement of their respective leagues!

Philadelphia (-2.5):

            The Eagles are a thoroughly flawed football team, and have given their fans ample cause for disdain (as if the Phillies 102-win exit was not sufficient).  However, they are still tremendously talented, and playing a team that has over-performed its abilities.  This is a shootout and the Eagles certainly can move the ball against anyone.

Philadelphia 34, Buffalo 28 

Kansas City (+1):

            Indianapolis is deciding whether to go with Curtis Painter or Kerry Collins.  They scored two touchdowns last week as a result of thoroughly busted coverage.  I will not wager on its recurrence.  Meanwhile, the Chiefs, in beating the Vikings upgraded themselves in my eyes from downright putrid to moderately odorous.  Moderately odorous is sufficient against these Colts.

Kansas City 17, Indianapolis 13

Minnesota (-3):

            The Vikings cannot possibly be this bad.  Adrian Peterson must be worth 2-3 wins all by himself, which frankly, ain’t a terrible strategy at this point.  Kolb has shown himself to be thoroughly unspectacular, though he is competent.  If the Vikings lose this game, at home, against a week opponent, not only will the Christian Ponder / Donovan Mcnabb debates begin in earnest, but so too will the Ponder / Luck debates.

Minnesota 20, Arizona 16

NY GIANTS (–9.5):

            Tavaris Jackson on the road against a very good pass rush.  West coast team traveling three time zones east.  Ugly blue uniforms against slightly less ugly blue uniforms.  No Jacobs should result in a huge day for Ahmad Bradshaw in fantasy…(right?)

NY Giants 31, Seattle 17

PITTSBURGH (-3):

            The Titans are better than advertised.  The Steelers are worse.  Fine…but do you really want to bet on the Titans walking into among the most intimidating home-field environments in professional sports with only three points in your pocket?  Something tells me the Steelers will avoid stinking this season.

Pittsburgh 24, Tennessee 17

CAROLINA (+6.5):

            Cam Newton is quickly becoming the king of the back-door cover.  The only justification now for laying points against him is if you are supremely confident that either the Panthers will not move the ball for 3+ quarters (doubt it) or that the Saints will score 40+ (also doubt it).  Cam Newton is a great gambling weapon and fantasy weapon…eventually he’ll win real football games.

New Orleans 27, Carolina 24

Oakland (+5.5):

            Perhaps the Raiders will be motivated by the overdue departure of their addled owner.  Perhaps Andre Johnson’s absence will render the potent passing attack of the Texans utterly impotent.  Or maybe, just maybe the Texans will be the Texans and fail to dominate a team to which they are superior.  Pick one.

Houston 27, Oakland 24

Cincinnati (-1):

            The Bengals do not stink…the Jaguars absolutely stink, have virtually no home-field advantage, and are probably dreaming of Andrew Luck..  Yes, I am laying points on the road with a team from Ohio, may the lightning bolts avoid me tonight.

Cincinnati 16, Jacksonville 13

Tampa Bay (+2.5):

            We all remember the 49ers falling behind 23-3 to the Eagles, who with any red zone proficiency whatsoever could have been up 35-3.  We all recall the fact that the Eagles put up 500 yards of offense on these guys.  Alex Smith is still Alex Smith.  Yes, they can stop the run…and Josh Freeman will pass gladly.

Tampa Bay 20, San Francisco 17

San Diego (-3.5):

            Hypothetically…if this were a brand new universe in which we had no preconceived notions of the Chargers or Norv Turner…and we simply looked at their statistics and their roster…why in g-ds name wouldn’t we think they would kill the Broncos?  Fine, so this is not such a scenario, but despite their ineptitude, I still think they’re a touchdown better.

San Diego 24, Denver 17

NEW ENGLAND (-7.5):

            Which type of game will this be?  The playoff game in which the Jets stunned the Pats in Foxborogh…or the regular season, 45-3 beat-down a few weeks before?  Unlike the Bills, the Pats have their eyes on the Jets.  Meanwhile, Mark Sanchez just played a game last week that several notable statisticians are describing as the worst game ever played by a quarterback.  While I would love to show these people some clips of Ryan Leaf, I still can’t see the Jets staying in this one.

New England 38, NY Jets 20

Green Bay (-5.5):

            Until proven otherwise, Green Bay is an electric offense that will light up anyone.  If the Eagles can score 31 points in Atlanta without having Vick for an entire quarter, I can only imagine what Rodgers and crew can accomplish. 

Green Bay 38, Atlanta 28

Chicago (+5):

            While Detroit’s 4-0 start is certainly an excellent story, let us not forget the 20 point deficits they’ve faced in the previous two weeks.  That’s not a recipe for continued success and certainly not a recipe for covering spreads.  I would not be surprised if Chicago beats them in this game.  Then again, Chicago tends to rip out their fan’s hearts.

Detroit 20, Chicago 17