Picks, Week 7

Week 7 - Where my Eagles have a bye, my fantasy teams have an opportunity to pry themselves from the depths of putrescence into the less odorous arms of mediocrity, and Brits are given the gift of watching "american football."  

Seattle (+3):

            Given the wins accumulated by these Browns (rookie’s first start against the Bengals & a Colts team that looks as though they are looking for a little luck…next season), and the Seahawks ability to stop the run, I think this game stays low scoring, and the artists formerly known by TMQ as the blue man group hang on.

Seattle 20, Cleveland 16

DETROIT (-4):

            The Falcons are away from their beloved dome, the Lions are irritated following their loss to the 49ers, and though their best player’s nickname refers to a toy made for small children, I still think they have enough in this one.  Meanwhile, the boy named Suh is likely to wreak real havoc in this one…Turner is big, north/south runner…and Suh is, well, bigger.

Detroit 31, Atlanta 21

Houston (+3):

            Fine, I get that the Texans are chronic underachievers.  I realize the Titans are better than people expect.  I’ll still take three points.  The Texans consistently break the hearts of their supporters in road games against stiff competition.  These aren’t Manning’s Colts or the equivalent.

Houston 27, Tennessee 24

MIAMI (+1):

            Umm…Tim Tebow may in fact be the second coming given the amazing fact reported that despite winning a heisman trophy and a national championship he chose not to fornicate with any of the thousands of delicious, young co-eds at the University of Florida.  Despite this, perhaps the most remarkable of his accomplishments, he is not a superhuman quarterback.  I might take my chances with him in fantasy, but this is still a rookie QB making his first meaningful start on the road.

Miami 20, Denver 17

San Diego (+1):

            If the Chargers weren’t traveling east here, I would imagine they’d be laying 4 points…easily.  The Jets are simply not a championship caliber team, regardless of how vociferously their coach insists otherwise.  The Chargers, regardless of how ineffectual their coach turns out to be, still display considerable talent.

San Diego 24, NY Jets 19

Chicago (-1):

            At least our friends across the pond receive a football game worth watching this time around.  This seems like a let-down game for the Bucs following their upset of the Saints while the Bears seem to have learned how to protect Cutler…which if they have, will make them formidable.  “Good game then! Pip pip, cheerio!”

Chicago 23, Tampa Bay 20

CAROLINA (-1.5):

            I’m supposed to take John Beck on the road here?  Against a quarterback who seems a virtual guarantee to create two decent drives against anyone.  Nope, sorry, I’ll lay points with a 1-5 team (who lost to the Saints, Bears, Packers, and Falcons).  Steve Smith should be thanking whatever deity he worships for his newfound relevance. 

Carolina 24, Washington 13

Kansas City (+3.5):

            I accept that Darren McFadden is talented.  But Kyle Boller?  How can I lay points with a guy so inept that his team was willing to invest two first-round picks for a guy whose last receivers were probably his children in the backyard?  Despite the Raiders penchant for deals that boggle the mind and challenge human logic, not even they would have made the deal they made were the coaches remotely confident in Boller…so I’m not either!

Kansas City 20, Oakland 16

Pittsburgh (-3.5): 

I am currently in Pittsburgh, celebrating my grandmother’s 90^th birthday.  This town’s priorities announce themselves immediately upon your arrival at the airport.  Two statues greet travelers.  The first is George Washington, whose importance to our nation is unmistakable.  The second is Franco Harris.   My cousin, when asked whether the Sunday affair for my grandmother was a lunch or a dinner, his reply, incredulously, was “a lunch, the Steelers have an afternoon game!” 

Pittsburgh 27, Arizona 17

DALLAS (-13.5):

            A.J. Feeley on the road.  The Rams have lost their five games by an average of  17.6 points.  Even the inconsistent Tony Romo should find a way to get it done here.  Meanwhile, if A.J. Feeley wins this game, he can add it to a list of improbable accomplishments which is topped by his landing Heather Mitts.

Dallas 34, St. Louis 13

Green Bay (-9.5):

            Not enough points.  This isn’t Brett Favre in a dome, this is Aaron Rodgers vs. Christian Ponder.  This is a team being discussed in 16-0 terms (I don’t believe they will) against a team in the running for Andrew Luck (I don’t believe they will either).  I will continue to lay points with the mighty cheeseheads until given reason to do otherwise.

Green Bay 31, Minnesota 17

NEW ORLEANS (-14):

 I cannot believe that I am laying 37 points combined on this and the previous two games.  I am ill just thinking about it.  Ok, not that ill.  Brees vs. Painter.  New Orleans dome vs. Colts on the road.  Suck for Luck vs. a team coming off a disappointing loss to a division rival.  Here comes a blowout.

New Orleans 34, Indianapolis 10

Baltimore (-9): 

            46 points in four games.  Ye gods.  Blaine Gabbert vs. the Ravens ‘D.  The NFL scheduling responsible for this monstrosity of a MNF matchup must be kicking themselves.  Who, outside of Balitmore (small market), Jacksonville (small, disinterested market), and fantasy football fans (most of who do not own any Jags outside of MJD) will watch this game?  Oh right, gamblers…you know, if that were legal.

Baltimore 27, Jacksonville 10